Picture me as I am:
Staring at my phone.
Already high and getting higher.
Wearing an expression of exaggerated calm.
Thin as a young Wynona Ryder.

This wasn't the world I wanted
But this is the world
I've got
How do I live within it?
How do I still my thoughts
when the bright pages of the papers
they pierce me through?
So much white rage in a dark suit.

I'm older now than I've ever been, but I feel so new.
My body replaces itself all night.
So why do I cringe when I see myself in pictures?
Why do I feel so unsatisfied?

Oh world,
If you're as old as they claim,
Teach me how
To forgive myself
Teach me how to praise.

Because
I'm moving through my life like the winter
Through a glove.
I try to hold the future close
But it reels around, it reels around
Like a squid in a
Wet manila envelope.

If I had my way, I'd float
Up up up up
Up out of my body too.
My whole life I've been running from something
But where am I running to?
My whole life I've been listening
For a signal through the hiss.
I did my work
I went to college
And all that I learned was this:

Sometimes the world is full of luck.
Thick and soft underfoot like clover.
And sometimes the world is just a truck
Backing into the ocean
Over and over and over and over and over.